Contemplations with Edicius

When things start to lose meaning,
I don’t give up and just give in to sleeping. 

Days end with broken feelings,  

And I fail as a mellenial to keep on dreaming.
So this is what I do

Scribble my psychology on a page or two.

But nobody cares a dime what I write

Nobody cares whether my world is dull or filled with light

Popping pills never end in levitation

But sometimes it’s a greater consolation

And then comes the night where a black curtain sticks around the world

Where I plummet into that den of darkness

And there I find a man called Edicius 

Who wants to shake hands with me as a sign of respect

And these days, its all about shaking hands

Tossing that respect around when you can

Concluding in deals which will benefit no man

And finally figuring out where you stand

And as midnight passes

As I sit with Edicius and talk about my future prospects

As he invites me to venture with him

And I keep declining politely

Because all I can think is that there is no sanity in that sin

As time ticks

As sleep leaves

And as dawn finally begins to enter

I should by my own decide

Whether to let Edicius take me

Or keep on for one more day

For one last time

And thankfully until now
I’ve had the sanity to come back

Because everytime I smile at Edicius and almost say ‘yes.’

I thankfully have the sanity to remember 

That his name is Suicide spelled backwards

And so I’m still here

Obsessing again over how things keep losing meaning

Maybe one of these days I’ll be gone

Switched out like a light 

On the verge of a beginning of darkness

Or dimmed out like a twilight

Only to wake back up like a dawn